We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
