why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
someone owes me an orgasm
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
