You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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