I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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