I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
