i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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