I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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