Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
