Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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