I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
