My liver just broke up with me...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
