For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
