I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
