Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
