I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
