The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
