if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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