Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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