Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just invented taco cereal.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
