so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
