Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
