somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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