Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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