brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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