i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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