she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
