and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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