covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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