do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
