Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
