Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I supernannyed him into submission
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
