So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
His hands were made for my vagina.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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