I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
