You smell like a Billy Joel song
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
