did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
