as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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