Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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