I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
