Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if only i could text you this smell
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
