The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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