I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
