Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
