There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
