i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
