I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
