I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
