I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
