Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
