Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
