upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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