didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
