Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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